Faceboobs, Real Boobs, Real Friends & the Success of "Others"

Here's the spiel:  I have a decent sized handful of dear friends who aren't on facebook, which inspires me in essence (and I love them)- but they consequently haven't a clue what's on tonight. They must know by now how much I love them, because we're still freinds despite having to clue them in,... ad nauseum.  Let's be clear here, they're not living in a tree without internet scavenging for food in the forest without electircity and indoor plumbing, they just  aren't on the faceboob and fail to get invited to things often asking me seperately what the post is and if I could text/write them emails and keep them in the know.  What's more annoying is that I'm  the one that actually feels guilty about being an unorigional drone because I'm on it.   Is it my imagination that they feel pleased with themselves about this?...Especially when asked the question "Are you facebook?" To which they get to reply "nah" with that cat-that-swallowed-the-unbelieveably-delicious-canary" look, or if and when they get to be the first to tell you a juicy little tid-bit in real-time. "Ooooohh" friend  X says.." and d'you know what the best part is?!  I'm telling you this in PEAR-SON,  oh NO- you didn't hear this shite from FACEbook!,.. you heard it from ME ...PEaAR-SONALLY!!"   (X is from Glasgow if you hadn't guessed)  Yes X,  agreed.  It is cool to drink from the well occasionally,  but frankly,- I'm grateful just to be watered at all. I'll take what I can get. And, too be fair to myself, I hear most things that aren't status updates;  e.g. The voices in my head, songs, my sons voice telling me that I'm NOT getting any ice cream (I've been bad, you see), the GREAT intangible wanderings of a mind that can never be fully related on paper of any kind, not to mention the basic stuff like my grocery list etc. (whew, at least I'm not one of those).

In the end, no matter what choice we make- we all just wanna be liked.
Sometimes we might consider taking a big step back for a spell and try to feel what it's like to just be.

I'm not cool like my friend, I am a full-fledged faceboob cause take it or leave it I personally just can't knock it.  ..But it is like a garden,  you have to weed and there are conversly worthwhile blooms worth a gaze- that much is clear. I feel astonishingly somewhat dependant on it; I've lived in three countries in five years, and before that I lived in five states permentantly in 25 years. I've made some tracks, and I think without the internet most people would simply believe the rumors.  (which, by the way are true *wink*).  While I too resisted joining this cyber-slavery for significant chunk of time, I've learned to use it so that it's only mildly annoying and incredibly useful for me. After all, I can post pictures of my kid and advertise for a show all in one go  say wha?! (the ol' 'two birds with one stone' operations get me every time) I also really do feel the genuine love of people who want to be kept up to date with us, and I genuinely LOVE that I can see them raise their families and succeed at their passions. YIPPIE for Love!!  YAY for the fact that's it's free!  Oh yeah,.. btw- When did everything become free,... like, for instance- music?  (I used to save up for two weeks to buy an album...and now -argh! but that's another rant isn't it?)  In a nutshell Facebook has made it possible for me to share my thoughts and feelings with a group beyond my immediate surroundings and hear from them in return. Wow.  Way to go technology, if only we were evolving at the same speed. 

So yes, please do notice I said it is "mildly" annoying. To the point: I ran into the worlds sweetest gal at a super-rad party recently (in Morningside ~Dahling) who was hashing out that she felt torn about re-joining the "social network" because she said while she was feeling left out, uninvited etc-- that facebook made her depressed.  Gosh, depressed I thought, about what?  This gal really has it all.. she's a doll with youth, a darling fella in her life, a camper van, really super-duper loving friends...etc. "it's just," she sighs.." everyone is doing such amazing things with their life,.. and i'm just, well,.. I'm just me."  Oh dear.  Stupid faceboobs...listen up chicka!! You are everything you need to be.  You are beautiful, you are an inspiration to me and I just met you. SO on behalf of her, and myself and all the others out there that don't want to un-join or even ignore good friends posts, there are a few things that will make it hard for me to "like" you or even worse,  will make me hide you or unsubscribe from you on faceboob.

1. Get all angry and political even 50% of the time. Sometimes,.. ok. I'm curious? Has something happened to you personally? Because I reckon you are you not coping with unchannaled rage.  Believe me, I'm the first to tell you America has a few legislation-ally enhanced problems,.. why do you think I crossed the ocean and haven't returned?  Please be nice and try hard to refrain from making judgements about things you don't have personal experience with like welfare, guns, drugs, medicare, immigration... for all you know someones favorite uncle was shot in the head. So maybe just keep it inspirational..?  Yes!!  example: "I went to a protest today,..It was rad!... and I farted MEATLESS lentils,.. whoo!! rock!!!"

2.  a. Post pictures of girls with big boobs and their mouths agape every day, ALL the time. Once in a while everyone needs a good tit- but come ON.  I have a substantial rack, and yes they are awesome.  I have even used them for the purpose intended for them (making me even more sick of them than the average gal).  Food for thought, eh?  Like,.. er,.. really dude,.. they are food. Really beautiful food. consider that many small breasted women see your posts, what would you feel if giant cocks were out here all the time.  Would it aid your self esteem in this image crazed world we live in? 
b.  reward women for being only women e.g. beautiful, mothers, nurturers, boobs/piece of tail, cooks.  If a women is a professional in her field but gets exponentially far more attention for pictures of her with kids than posts about her professional success, it can send a clear message that her main value to society is that of a mother, and not much else. It isn't bad to love women as mothers and beautiful ladies but consider also supporting "like" ing the whole person, not just the signature female part.  Encourage brains, heart and beauty alike, which of course goes for everyone, men, women and those blessed to play with both color toys.

3. Ignore another human being as only the internet allows. When someone writes you a letter/email that requires response...respond to it.  You have time.  The worst thing you can do is make idiotic posts about your mundane-ness letting the person know who wrote you 'I'd rather collect 2 likes for getting out of my IKEA bed this morning than let you know I got your message. Furthermore, I don't care that you took the time out to think of me and actually connect with me"  It's a smelly symptom of a society that is self obssessed and simultaneously lonelier than ever. Sad... but not because it has to be.  ps. boycott IKEA they are chopping down old growth forests in Russia.

4. Be fake.  No, be real as morning breath.  Oh yeah babes,  It's exciting AND interesting to be vulnerable once in a while. Without throwing a pity-party, let people know a broader perspective of your life.  No one believes that everything in your universe is perfect/ guru-esque figured-out, and that you are always in glowing halo of Greta Garbo worthy light (unless it really is,.. in which case, Jesus- don't rub it in-  it's insensitive to us humans down here!) SO,.. for my cute friend at the party, and for everyone out there that feel "depressed" that they are just them,  be.. just you once in a while.  Not you squared on top of the empire state, not you looking like a rockstar meeting with your agent on a beach... tell me something I don't already know. I've heard it said "It's nice to be cool, but it's cooler to be nice."  Be both, or our imaginations will work overtime filling in the gaps, especially if you were kind of a jerk back in the day.  You know what they say about dudes with big cars,.. well the same could be said about Facebook posts intended to lead everyone to believe your life is flawless.  No one is likely very jealous, but they might be naive and depressed- or like me, increasingly cynical.  Either way, I'm not sure it was the outcome you imagined.  Consider sharing things that aren't "You"-centric all the time, even if no one likes it.  It humanizes you, and that's a good thing.

5. Be Boring. No wait, please log out and Get A Life, THEN share it- maybe once day,  With, (now that I'm dreaming) a squirt of humor, a teaspoon of old fashioned community spirit, and a pinch of humble-pie.  We are all (by nature) self promoting creatures of habit- offline, online, at the cafe/bar, at work, on the stage, to our friends, to our foes, to our who knows-who. It's a survival mechanism, and it's not all together unfortunate, it just is. Folks like to blame this self-evident douche-bagerry on modern times but I can assure you,.. it's not a new party were at, it's just a new venue.  Straight-up- If your friends online or off don't inspire you, get new ones!  Don't wait!! Unsubscribe TODAY from people who make you feel icky.  I've even unfriended a few, and you know- I feel lighter, happier and more enthusiastic about seeing what everyone is up to when I log in.  Maybe in the long run  these folks took a wee look at their questionable interactions with the cyber-silly and made a modification for the better.  Maybe.  If it gets noticed and someone is bewildered by your choice,  tell them the truth, invite an old fashioned conversation over an old fashioned beverage.  Progress made.

Here'e hoping~ for as hippie-indoctrinated as it may sound, we are indeed each other- there is no real "other".  -It's science, yep. -it's magic, sure.  -It's friggen faceboob even.  When we support and share the successes of others, we are celebrating and encouraging the positive energy in ourselves.  We then in turn can ride the this tubular wave and be supported by it with less effort than it takes to swim this vast ocean alone.  The social network is a great example of how all things are connected and not as seperate as we may feel they are in our dark and dangerous illusions and fears.  It is what we make it- so let's make it something that doesn't suck.

Here's an remarkable example of community spirit and actual literal web I witnessed at the Big tent Festival in Fife last weekend.  Folks weaved examples of the cellular structure found in trees and then wrapped this beautiful evergreen in their collective artistic effort.  Unbelievable doesn't even begin to describe what it felt like to stumble upon this with a hot-toddy in hand and the boy Harlen by my side. .......Inspiring does though.

CONFESSION: I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I hide what I "like",.. because I "like" so much and I have self-judged this to be 'too much!' and therefore embarrassing and uncool. So now that you know, ...will you think less of me, or do you "like" me too?  (cheeky, huh?) XXX Cera